A Season of Solace
- Sharne Lazarus
- Sep 17, 2017
- 4 min read
It has been a while since I have let my thoughts flow for the eager reader. I wrote a commentary about my ambition to change the world in my last post. Even though I have come to terms with the fact that to make a declaration for such an action requires actually working, I still remain loyal to my words.
I will change the world, but not on my own strength. Instead, I will rely on the power of my heavenly father.
He will be the inspiration for my decisions in the years to come.
I just came out of a season of "Joy" and "Provision." Whether it was experiencing an overwhelming sense of joy while worshipping or getting the very best.
Now I find myself in a dry place. My lips chapped, my hair brittle. My mind thirsty for joy once more. I have found myself in this web of loneliness and solace. A place of "quiet hours" and emptiness. Where my life was once filled with incessant laughter and the presence of my peers are now filled with the voices of my family and the lack thereof a social life. I know how ungrateful and entitled I sound but experiencing a place where one could rely on their friends, to now totally relying on God can make us feel lonely.
A special friend of mine got a hold of me and tore my mind open. She revealed to me the reason for such a time as this. I understood that my life would not succumb to a cycle of "Joy" all the time, but I also understood that in the moments of total desperation we should press in more into the Lord. People will disappoint you. They will hurt you. Places become foreign and empty. The season will change, but one person remains constant. God.
On Sunday, September 3, 2017, I found myself lost in Tulsa's public library. It was enormous. I cowered at the placid architecture. So clean, so temperate. I then continued to wander through downtown. I found myself walking by a park where ethereal music flowed. When I finally got to a coffee shop called Gypsy Coffee House. I paced through the threshold of solace, of peace. It was a quiet establishment, tucked away in the confines of a lonesome brick building. If your attention was presented elsewhere you would easily miss it.
The rooms were decorated with large leather couches, dark booths, a bar inspired sitting area, and stain glass windows. Cactus and other desert flowers dotting the establishment. I ordered a Hazelnut Latte' and began penning. I wrote to some of my beloved friends. I shared my experience of being here as well as my emotions some which were beautiful and other raw.
Yes, cheesy, I get it. I have now been here a whole month. Most of my time has been spent in school; not as a student but rather as a teacher. Actually, the assistant teacher of Pre-K and Kindergarten students... the irony.
If you don't already know I am not the biggest fan of kids.
The whole idea of mini humans that ooze gross substances and cry just doesn't sound like fun. I can now say, however, that my perception of kids has changed drastically since working.
I have fallen slightly in love with these gross "mini-me's."
There is just something so beautiful about youth.
More about children really.
There is so much kindness in their eyes.
I haven't been able to recapture the joy of the summer since moving to Oklahoma, but it is in those small moments that I get to be incandescently happy.
It's hard. I cannot reiterate the idea anymore that God has not promised us an easy life. Even right now I am struggling. Finances seem to be presenting a heavy burden on my family from the move. I am lonely, and for the past month, my body has been plagued by sickness. Look at me complaining about my woeful life. The growth and the praise, however, is insurmountable though. Every morning my heavenly father wakes me up. I get to spend time with my dog as we take our morning walk in the cool morning air. Afterwards, I get to experience Christ for about twenty to thirty minutes. I get to talk to Him and listen to his word.
I get ready and then off to work I go.
I have a good job that allows me free time to hone in on personal skills as well as a life made to impact people.
We as sinful humans have allowed ourselves to look at the world with a bleak sense. We keep telling ourselves that we are not good enough, that there isn't really any hope because funds are low, or our age is either too low or high for us to accomplish the "impossible." Something that life has taught me is that sometimes our roads might converge into great storms. God allows it to happen. It is in these moments that we must press harder than ever, it is only then when we come to realize that this season of "Solace" is but a mere season. We start to understand to stand victorious might involve standing in water that is waist high and still offering praise to the one who has given us this strength to do so.
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