GOODBYE, HELLO

It is finished.

The moments, the consistent late nights, managing school, work, and choir, growing and stretching.

Now here I stand.

Before you now.

A tree that dug its roots deep in the hearty soil.

A bird who found her emigration pattern.

I was broken and lost. Uncertain and shaky. My feet could barely hold me up, but I continued to walk. I walked through the paved streets and brick lined buildings.

I spent a whole two semesters. I spent a whole two semesters with my hands raised in total abandonment. With my head lowered in prayer. I spent a whole two semesters with the edge of my lips stretched to the ends of my face in laughter, with my feet hitting tar and grass.

I began to fall in love, hopelessly in love. I allowed my mouth to go dry and my stomach to churn.

I began to grant my eyes the permission to let tears flow freely because I am human.

Lee University is an institution. It is an intuition with brick buildings, and minuscule dormitories, lush flora, and tight schedules. But that is all that it is. An institution is not what changes you, it is the individuals placed inside those walls that do. I know this to be true because coming to college I hated everything. I was jealous and judgmental. I had such a negative spirit that everything I knew became an emotional war zone. I spent hours praying, angry at God, angry at myself.

Then I came to college. I felt like me. Not the "me" that played dress up and said what others felt, but the "me" who wore what she wanted. The me who was bold and brave and confident.

I lowered my airs and graces. I took off my fake smile and actually let my body feel.

I was disproportioned. Not physically but mentally. I held on to this truth that I needed to impress others constantly. Finally, I could breathe. I was allowed air to fill my lungs and transform myself into something more. I got to sit back and stare at the stars. I got to sit back and figure out the constellations. I granted myself the freedom to feel and to touch. To hold closely and to let go.

Now, look at me. Dark circles have formed around my eyes from late nights. My skin is darker and stretched. My lips chapped and my mind bent, but I am bold. I don't cower in the spotlight, but rather I sing higher and louder.

I take my bags and boxes and place them on a shelf.

I put away the moments that made me feel so there is room for more.

I don’t put on a fake smile because now I can actually feel.

Instead, I gaze at the western sunset and look forward to the eastern rise.

I fell in love once. It happened inside these walls.

I broke my heart and my head but I found spirituality instead.

So I still stay in love even though I must traverse far in hopes that my love story can continue into a new land.